Apologies of a Stupid American
By M. E. Gibbs

It has come to my attention
That of all the things believed
By foreigners and all their ilk
They seem to view Americans
As a very stupid breed

And while some may disagree
I’m sad to say,
I don’t.

This isn’t to say we’re horrible people
Some of my best friends are stupid fools
But that still doesn’t make us all that honestly smart.
So said as a stupid American myself
(Born and bred is all I can say)

I think it’s time for a new start
And to begin with
An apology.

I’ll start off very simply,
Beginning with past history
(It’s easiest after all)
And apologize here and now
For the American and British War

Not to say we weren’t right
Just you know,
An apology.

And then a few apologies for other wars,
Some pointless colonization in the Atlantic,
Some general rudeness across the board,
Both World Wars and Vietnam,
And that whole drama in the mid east.

Not to say we started it
Just letting you know
We’re sorry.

And then we’re sort of caught up on past history
So now we can move onto the more personal stuff.
Sorry for all our presidents,
They’ve all been losers, cheaters, and
Occasionally had affairs with interns, other countries, and companies.

We can’t make a good choice
But then all the candidates
Aren’t that great.

Because, of course, they’re all stupid Americans too
And prone to make mistakes of all nature
And some of incredible stupidity.
And one of the greatest faults of Americans,
We’ve got pride out the wazoo.

We’re arrogant bastards,
Yes we are.
So sorry for that too.

But most of all I think it’s time we said
Sorry for our general ignorance.
We’re a little cut off from the rest of the world
Trapped between two oceans
In our own little world

(Oh sure we have Mexico and Canada
But who cares about those two?
Oh dear, sorry for that comment too…)

So we’re sorry for our lack of worldly culture,
The rarity of multi things,
The general blank we draw when looking at the globe,
And a sever lack of language versatility,
As well as our lack of curiosity

Which leaves us stranded alone
But we like it this way
Really we do.

So sorry for our stubborn streak
Which tends to lead us down
A path of little tolerance
(Tolerance?  Is that like accepting
Catholics, Episcopates, and Mormons, all at once?)

Sorry for being blind
And in our own little box
And seeing only our four walls

Sorry for our obliviousness
Brought on by too much TV,
Our lack of overall sobriety
(Though we got nothing on the Irish yet)
And sorry for the stereotypes we create.

Again, sorry for our arrogance
But is it really misplaced?
(Yeah, okay, so it is)

So sorry for it all
And all the general stupidity we bring
To this planet which we all share
Though we’re quite certain we’re the only ones
Just keep reminding us we aren’t.

We’ll tell you you’re wrong
But tell us anyway
And maybe someday we’ll get it

We’re stupid Americans,
Down to the last one,
Except for Einstein of course
(Wait, he was German, wasn’t he?
Well that kills that philosophy…)

So sorry for our ignorance
Our blindness and frailty
Our overall lack of listening
Our arrogance and selective memory
Our media, our celebrities

(Which you have to admit
Is one of our greatest failings
The TV mixes with reality)

So we’re sorry for it all
Sorry that we’re stupid Americans
Sorry that we don’t know any better
And sorry that we’re honestly proud of who we are
And that we know we’ll never change.

Because we’re stupid Americans
Down to the very last one
And that is who we are.


Copyright M. E. Gibbs